分卷阅读48（1 / 2）

Honestly? Draco had no fucking clue. The only thing he knew was, his heart had never felt this full; never had he been almost moved to tears by the simplicity of spoken words.

Potter’s fingers were still twisted in his hair, his thumb stroking his forehead. Fearing he’d be too choked up if he waited any longer, Draco leaned forward and captured Potter’s lips with his.

It was strange, how different kissing Potter felt in that moment; as though all these different kinds of emotions rushing through him had suddenly found a way out of his body. They were almost tangible on his skin. And on his lips, he could almost taste the sweetness of Potter’s words. It was overwhelming. Almost too overwhelming.

He slowly pulled back, drinking in Potter’s soft expression and the warmth in his eyes.

“Kind of paradoxical, isn’t it,” Draco said, knowing he was about to ruin the moment, “that you can tell me something like that and yet not believe me when I tell you the same.”

“Do you?” Potter immediately asked. “Feel the same?”

And there it was. The question of all questions. The moment Draco had been trying to avoid for Merlin knows how long. The revelation he finally felt ready for. Kind of. Not really. He was a queasy mess to be honest. But, he supposed, since they were already being disgustingly sentimental and all…

“Do you remember the third task of the Triwizard Tournament in fourth year?” he asked, watching as Potter’s face turned from anxious to confused.

“Um…yes?”

“When I saw you walk into that maze, I had a strange feeling. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, it was just…my gut telling me something, I guess,” Draco murmured. “And then you came back…with Diggory’s body.” He heard Potter inhale sharply. “It made me think…You could have died that day.” He paused, trying to gather up the courage to say the next words without sounding like he was being chased by a Dementor. “That…was the first time I realised I had feelings for you.”

Potter’s mouth fell open and he looked like he was going to say something, which Draco chose to ignore.

“And then you started dating Chang,” he scoffed. “I wanted to snap your neck when I found out you were dating her. It was—” He bit his lip. Could he really do this? He was already feeling overwhelmed. He searched Potter’s face for any indication he should stop talking. His dark skin looked ashen and he was obviously shocked. If anything, it encouraged Draco to keep going. “And when—when you started dating Weasley—” He gulped. He had never intended to tell Potter any of this. Maybe it was pointless. But maybe, it was exactly what Potter needed to hear. “When you started dating Weasley, I hated you so much. I couldn’t concentrate on—on what I was supposed to do. But it also made me reckless, because—because I knew I’d never get what I wanted. It didn’t matter anyway. The Dark Lord was about to kill me, so what was the point in hoping?” He let out a humourless laugh and shook his head. “And then, you defeated him.” He looked Potter straight in the eye without blinking. “You defeated him, giving everyone a second chance for happiness. Except me.” He knew he wasn’t being fair, but this was how he had felt back then. “I tried to avoid you as much as possible, but you’re so bloody stubborn and kept trying to talk to me. I just couldn’t handle it.”

Potter looked as though Draco had just punched him. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Draco raised his hand.

“I swear to Merlin, Potter, if you interrupt me now—” He took another deep breath. “I don’t think I can say what I—” He quickly looked sideways, every muscle in his body tense. For once, Potter seemed to be doing as he was told, staying silent. Drumming his fingers against his thigh, Draco braced himself for the most difficult part yet. “I didn’t think it was possible, that you could like me like that. Ever. Astoria and I, we’ve been friends for years. And even though we aren’t involved romantically, we decided getting married was the best option we had. Her family was pressuring her to find a husband and settle down, and even though my mother did no such thing, it was very much implied she was waiting for an heir. Everything was going as it was supposed to…until you stumbled into my life again.” He rubbed his fingertips against his forehead as if that would help him think. “It was different than it had been in school. Everything was suddenly…intensified. I never told Astoria how I felt about you, but, funnily enough, she already knew when I told her I wanted to call off the engagement. I guess it was more obvious than I thought.”

The following silence was pregnant with meaning. Did Potter already know where he was going with this? Was he still trying to figure it out?

“Um, can I say something?” Potter asked quietly. Without looking at him, Draco nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

Draco arched an incredulous eyebrow. “For very obvious reasons, Potter. Like I said, I never thought you would like me like that, so what was the point?” It was almost physically painful to say these words out loud. His pride was begging him to stop. But if his pride was the price he had to pay to get Potter to finally see what a dickhead he was being, then so it shall be. “I finally realised how my choice would affect all the lives of the people involved, how unfair it would be. I would rob Astoria of the chance to find true happiness, with someone who truly wanted to be with her. There was a time when I thought we might come to love each other, but…that would have never happened. Because—” He balled his hands into fists, trying to stop them from shaking. Damn it! It felt like he was holding his heart in his hands, offering it to Potter, hoping he wouldn’t crush it.

“Because?” Potter echoed.

Draco closed his eyes, his heart hammering so violently in his chest, he thought it was going to burst. “Because—Because I’m already in love with someone else.”

A part of Draco was dying to see the reaction on Potter’s face. But he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes. He jumped when he heard Potter make a choking sound and felt him squeeze his hand.